A Week with No Worries.

 I have made it half-way through. And it's not so wonderful as it sounds. Well, it is, but when you hear "a week with no worries" you probably think it means "nothing happens to worry her". Not quite. 

 No, what it means is this: for a week, I'm not allowed to worry. It doesn't matter what happens, wonderful or worrisome, I'm not allowed to worry. The world could be falling down around my ears, but still...I'm not allowed to worry.

 I have to keep reminding myself about this new rule. 

 At first I didn't like it. Of course something's going to go wrong if I don't think about stuff and puzzle over it several (hundred) times. Those plans I made that look like they aren't going to work - I'm sure that if I consider awhile and think about the options and how to change them and fit them in and get scared that I can't figure it out after all and try harder and decide I just can't and still keep trying to get it all straightened out in my mind, everntually it WILL turn out right!

 NOT.

 It all started when I was listening to the radio. A sermon on the radio, that I didn't really want to listen to, but I was anyway, and the guy was talking about not worrying. And he challenged people to not worry for a week or something. Usually, I ignore a challenge. I might fail anyway, or not stick to it, so why try? Or I feel like it's not relevant to me. But this challenge caught my attention. I thought maybe I should try it. No worries. Commit everything to God, think it about it rationally, let Him take care of it, and not worry. Sounded wonderful, it was a perfect idea, it really, really was. Yeah, I needed to DO that!

 And then I started worrying. 

 About not being able to keep from worrying.

 And then I was worried that I wouldn't be able to stop worrying long enough to be able to start not worrying.

 And if I could, would I last a whole week? A day, even an hour?

 I guess it didn't really start with hearing the radio sermon that I didn't want to hear. It started way back when I was little, and wanted to figure everything out and take care of everything. And when I was a teenager, wanting to be in control, not being able to surrender everything to God and trust Him to watch out for me and handle my everyday life and plans and everything. And then being an older teenager, and letting all my plans and decisions weigh on me instead of giving them to Someone Who could actually manage the load. Obviously I couldn't, I was finally beginning to see that, and I finally know, for the first time in my life, that I really can't handle everything that happens in my life. 

 It might sound weak - well...it doesn't sound weak, it is weak. I guess all of us, deep down, are like that. Maybe I'm weaker than others...But we feel the strain and pull of every-day life, ad the extra stuff that gets thrown at us.

 And now I wonder why, because there's a God Who just holds His hands out all the time, almost begging us to puts our cares and worries in His hands. I don't know why I waste so much time worrying about stuff isntead of just giving it to Him.

 So, I finally got over worrying about not being able to not worry, and decided to just not worry. As issues came along and I was tempted to worry, I gave them to God. I did fail sometimes, but then I would keep trying, and - surprise, surprise, everything seemed to work out fine...Seemingly even more smoothly than normal. Not because things were so nice and easy - these past couple days have been anything but what I expected, and I hate changes of plans...Maybe because I have a peace inside, knowing that everything is safe in hands that can handle my plans better than I can.

 So I have a few more days of this "week with no worries". The one thing I've found myself worrying about often is - when the week is over, am I going to start worrying again? I don't want to, but what if I DO?

 Looks like this is going to be an on-going lesson. But no worries about it. If God can take me from worrying constantly to almost not at all in just several days, He can teach me how to keep not worrying. And I can trust Him. He proved it.

 So I'm halfway through a week of no worries. They say it takes three weeks to break a habit...If I last 3 weeks, it won't be a habit to worry anymore...that would be good.

Snow...to Love or Not to Love?

 It snowed yesterday. 

  That sounds profound. And it is a profound statement. 

  It's Michigan, it was December first, it snowed. Ahhmazing.

  Yeah, but snow made itself my enemy yesterday. I was supposed to go see my sister yesterday.

  Wimp, you can't drive through a little snow?

  I can, but my pretty little car probably wouldn't have gotten me through the snow on the unplowed - as yet at that point - road in Grand Rapids, especially with the front bumper hanging partly off (compliments of me not being careful enough backing up...ha) . So, I don't like snow.

  Ooh...Grand Rapids.

  Yeah, they get a lot of snow. And it snowed yesterday. Nasty snow.

  That would have a profound affect on you going to see your sister.

  Yeah. But today. nothing's going to stop me. I'm going to see my sister, and that's that. Well, Lord-willing. 

  It's about time to get some sister to sister, heart to heart, just her and me time. It's been since...July. Or June. 

  So, here I go. If I were rich, I would be taking her a present or taking her out to lunch or taking her shopping after she's done with work. But yeah, I can't do that, so I'll just be giving her a ride home from work, because her car broke down, in my pretty little car with the bumper partly off. She'll love it. 

  I will too, because we're sisters. It doesn't matter whether we're in a car that's dented and falling apart at the front a little (hey, it's warm, runs really well, and it's pretty enough to pull off the 'falling apart at the front a little' look). The point is we'll be spending time together.

  But I had a little grudge against snow. I thought snow and I were going to have some issues this winter. That would be hard for me because I used to love snow. Until yesterday. But I'm thinking it's a good thing it snowed yesterday, because since I am going today, I can give my sister that ride home from work. If I had gone yesterday, I couldn't have, and she'd be stuck at work. 

  Ok, maybe I can tolerate snow. Maybe snow yesterday was a good thing. Maybe I still love it.

It's Like a Movie, This Life Is.

   Ever seen one of those movies where the kid goes to live with the grandparent for whatever reason? And they live in the little town where everyone knows everyone, and if they don't, they know someone who knows whoever they don't know...Well, I live that life.
  My Grandma is 95 - or almost 95, or almost 96...once you're to that age, one year doesn't make as much difference. Anyway, my family asked me to come live with her for a few weeks last year when she hurt herself. After a couple weeks, they wanted to know if I would just live with her always. Permanently.
  Sure. I was 18 and halfway through cosmetology school. I had taken a leave to stay with her those few weeks. So I started school back up and put in less hours than I had been before so I could help her out.
  My life fell into a sort of routine. Get up by seven, out the door by 8:10, school at nine, lunch at noon, leave at 3:30, home by 4:30, help make dinner, do dishes, take a walk, watch Grandma's nightly shows, jeopardy and wheel of fortune - or barely hear it while talking to friends on Facebook - and in bed by (hehe) 11:15. Ha. I would try, at least.
  Sounds pretty idyllic. It kinda was.
  (This is where the likeness to the movies ends. A movie couldn't keep all this together in one story without being reviewed as too busy, too confusing, etc.)
  So, throw in there the REST of my life. Like having two sets of parents, one being adoptive parents, the other a biological mother I was reunited with in January. Throw in my biological mom getting married in the summer. My sister, also my best friend, getting married. Trying to split my time between the two families. 3 separate households, My mom and dad's (adopted), my mama's (biological), and my Grandma's.
  Going to school, spending time with Mom and Dad and sisters, spending time with Mama, spending time helping Grandma, going to school, preparing for two weddings, turning 19, squeezing in friend time, taking harp lessons, giving piano lessons...oh, and getting in big trouble at school for confronting an issue and people being really mad at me for it. And my other grandma dying.
  There goes the idyllic.
  Does it sound like I'm complaining? I'm not. Have I complained? Yes.
  There have been times that I felt like I couldn't do it all anymore. But then there are times, like this summer, when I went walking through the tiny little town I live in, and listen to birds sing and look at a sparkling lake and walk by the old mansion I've loved since I was little, when everything seemed calm and unchanging and peaceful.
   Now, my schedule is clearer. I graduated. I'm looking for a job. I have time on my hands that I don't really want.
   Looking back at this past year...I know what I could have changed. And it wouldn't have been moving in with Grandma, or meeting my biological mom, or spending time with family, or going to school, or anything else that made me feel so stressed out.
  The one thing I would change would be to trust God more. I did get through it, and sometimes I truly didn't think I could. I almost changed schools to avoid the stress. I went through rough times - but if I had trusted Him more and let my heart be at rest in Him, maybe it wouldn't have been easier, but I would have had more peace. I exhausted myself with worrying and trying to handle everything to the point where my family was worried about me...

  God took care of me anyway. But I'm putting the trusting thing into practice now. I don't have a job, and I have no idea when I will get one or what job it will be. I'm not going to worry though. I don't want to repeat the last 10 months worth of worrying and being stressed constantly, needlessly. Since God is right here, wanting to help me, I'm taking Him up on His offer to bear my burdens for me.
  So...I'm living with my Grandma, in a tiny little town, where everyone knows everyone. I have a God who loves me and is going to take care of me. What else could I ask for.
   It is like a movie, this life is. It's like a movie with a happily-ever-after ending.